Ten Commandments of Concert Goers

  1. Thou shalt pregame. $7 for a twelve-ounce beer, $10 for a twenty-four ounce. Do you really want to pay those inflated alcohol prices? Didn’t think so. Neither do I.
  2. Thou shalt buy thy ticket ahead of time. Just do it. It will make your life so much easier come concert day. You’ll already be waiting in the line to get into the venue. Why tack on another?
  3. Thou shalt arrive early. Don’t get mad when you get stuck in the crappy area in the back trying in vain to peer around the heads of those vertically inclined individuals in front of you because you got there late. If you want to be up front, get there early, wait in line, grab your chunk of floor, and wait some more. Which leads us to….
  4. THOU SHALT NOT SHOVE THYSELF IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE. Those people in front of you got there early, waited hours in line, then probably waited another hour standing in their cherished front row spot. They’re tired, their feet hurt, and they’ve earned that spot, dammit. Don’t be an asshole by rushing the stage when the artist comes on and attempting to elbow those patient devoted fans out of your way. If you want that spot, get there early and wait/suffer with them.
  5. Thou shalt enjoy thyself! You’re at a concert. Move. You’ll have more fun, the people around you will have more fun, and the performer will have more fun. When they’re up there rocking out and workin’ hard, do you think they want to look out and see a room full of zombies? No. The more fun you have, the more fun they have, and the better the concert experience will be for everyone. (I acknowledge that not all concerts are conducive to this, such as sit-down shows. Whatever. Proceed to the next commandment.)
  6. Thou shalt not yell rude things at the performer. Why would you even do this in the first place? Alas, there’s one in every crowd. The performer is taking a moment to speak to the crowd, and someone yells out “sing!”. You might have paid to see the show, but that doesn’t make them your servant. Show some couth.
  7. Thou shalt wait thy turn to meet the performer. This is along the same lines as commandment four. Don’t cut in front of other fans patiently waiting to meet the artist. We all learned how to wait our turn in kindergarten. You can do it.
  8. Thou shalt not act like a blubbering buffoon. Should you get to meet the artist, don’t act like a prepubescent tween at a Bieber concert. Play it cool, then freak out about it later.
  9. Thou shalt not steal from other fans. The first time I saw Joan Jett, my buddy, who is consistently lacking in funds, went with me. He worked extra hours to afford the luxury of buying a t-shirt at the show. Someone stole it while we were rocking out. He couldn’t replace it. Not. cool.
  10. Thou shalt be satisfied. Regardless of how it ends, just be happy that you had the experience. 
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